Is My Storm Passing?

f5ee062a8ec389722e6d24bc0cf7463dI’m nervous to even write this post, I feel I will be jinx in someway. I’m going to anyway. Fuck it.

I had been (had being the key word) in a very low and dark place for what seemed like forever. In real time it was from around the 7th month of my pregnancy until I would say around a week or so ago. My son is 3 months old.

I want to let you women know, there is an end and you will find your light. As I am starting to find mine, we all have a different sentence post natal depression/depression wants us to serve.

I had it for so long I thought it was how I was, my personality, normal. Just the way life went. I was wrong and it wasn’t until I had crazy overwhelming thoughts and I felt I had lost all sanity I realised.

We can beat it, it’s taking that first small step to break those chains around your ankles. For me it was going out and being more sociable. I literally forced myself to see family members and make arrangements.

Surrounding yourself with positive people – to be honest with you I thought this was bullshit. Why would I feel like being around happy people.. happiness was my enemy. But it actually worked I let myself get sucked into their joyful spirit. I have a few special ladies to thank for this.

If you don’t feel like seeing anyone,take a walk with your baby or alone. Just talk to someone any one about how your feeling. You are NOT alone and your problems and feelings are valid.

If I can help any of you beautiful strong women out there please do not hesitate to contact me personally at if you need someone to talk to or any advice at all I am here. Let’s unite and get through this together.




Sorry My Lovely Followers

I know I know I’ve literally been neglecting my blog for over a week now. I am back as of now and promise to dedicate more time daily.

I want my posts to be more of help now and advice.. and I feel my personal storm is slowly passing I want to give hope to others.


Please do not hesitate tocontact me personally at



Dear Dirty Depression


I know how to want me to feel, worthless, dark, alone, hopeless and tormented by the disgusting sound of your negative voice. Pulling me down like heavy chains around my ankles shackling me to your misery.

Your not going to win I will have hope, I have it in my heart. It’s voice is just faint..but not unheard. I will drain the black ink of which you have filled my heart and no longer will it flow through my veins. Darkness will no longer be my comfort. Brighter days are just a moments thought away.

Dear Dirty Depression.


Please don’t hesitate to contact me personally at


Let’s Get The Baby Weight Gone

So after the beautiful sun yesterday I seriously pigged out. On food and drink cocktails and wine galore. Today is the start of getting my body as closest to pre baby as I can. I’m not going to get ahead of myself and vow to exercise because I want to get some weight off first then start being more active.


I’ve chosen a meal replacement diet “slender blend” it’s supposed to be thee best meal replacement supplement there is so I thought let’s give it a go. When it comes to me and dieting I need to be strict and structured or else I fail. EVERYTIME. The healthy eating way doesn’t work for me as I have ZERO will power when it comes to food.

At the moment I am weighing 13st 2pounds I want to be 9st 7 pounds. I need to release only I can change by body and my weight. It’s like anything in life WE are in charge of our own destiny and results!!

So I’ll give you beautiful people an update in a few days.

Major Fucking Set Back

Back to that dark place, I didn’t realise how easy it was to get there again. One trigger, one argument, one comment. I really didn’t realise how easy it was to fall back into this horrible negative place that is depression.

I’m so annoyed with myself for letting anyone get to me as much. Why wasnt my head stronger, better?

Tomorrows a another day but I resent the fact you took me back there.


It’s the little things


Okay so I would like to share what little things help me get out of a rut, or feeling depressed or anxious.

In the day I’m with my son all day so I have no time for me time, which can sometimes be hard and draining. On a bad day I still aim to get something small done, it could be anything. Hoover, wash up, make the bed. Today for instance I sorted baby boys clothes into what fits him now and the new clothes he can fit into.

When my partner gets home that’s time for me.. these are a few things that can help you take your mind off things weather you have a baby or not..

Have a shower or bath- having a shower in the evening is somewhat therapeutic. Just don’t think of anything apart from that moment, which shampoo your going to use, putting on a face mask, shaving your legs, try and drag it out as long as you can.

Pampering yourself – put some music on, close your door. Pluck your eye brows, moisturise your face, fake tan, soak your feet, paint your nails, sort through old make up.

Read, write or draw – all of these things can help take your mind off of what your feeling or even express and release how your feeling.

Cook – cooking with some music on really helps me, take your time and try and create something new.

Walk – I must admit I don’t do this enough but with my head phones in this is life therapy. Running and music has helped me alot I’m my life.

Online help – I like to look at what I would like to buy screen shot the page and add it to my ‘wish list’ folder. Don’t go too mad look at stuff that is affordable to you…working through those pictures and ordering the items is actually rewarding. Strange I know.

These are just a few things that help me out, if you have anymore ideas for me don’t hesitate to contact me personally at or comment








A Normal Mum?

An idea struck as I was preparing my baby boys bottles. Am I a normal mum? I haven’t attended any mother and baby groups and haven’t had him weighed every week? I know he’s gaining weight and thriving so I feel no need to. I definitely have been made to feel I HAVE to do these things but do I really?

I know which milestones my baby should be on development wise and infact he is exceeding these it helps I have a qualification in child care. So what is he really missing out on.. people could argue the mother and baby groups are more for us mums but that’s when I face the problem of not being very sociable at all!!

I just can’t face going to one, what if I see someone I don’t want to or feel a shit mother compared to the others. My weight at the moment is playing on my mind aswell, I feel if people that knew me before I had my son saw me they would think I’ve gained so much. I’m now a big 12/14 I was a small 10.

Then on the other hand I think am I missing out? Should I let my social issues affect doing these kind of things.

I don’t know I really don’t..

Help me out ladies

Please do not hesitate to contact me personally at